After a rather turbulent week, a lot of soul searching (or navel gazing as my Dad used to call it) and a 'gut spilling' session with a lovely friend (Thank You - you know who you are), Ive realised I need to do something that truely makes me happy and that Ive not done for years.
Ive lost a bit of weight recently (26lb and counting) and my self confidence is slowly emerging, though other parts of my life arent going so well, so I need to do this just for me.
What am I talking about? Something very few people know about me
I LOVE to sing, (and not to be modest about it), Im quite good.
My sister and I always used to sing together whenever we were going anywhere in the car as children, and my first ever teacher (bless you Mrs Scott wherever you are) wrote on one of my reports that I had a sweet singing voice. :o) When we were in our 20's we used to sit up front and sing on the late night coach journey from Oamaru to Invercargill (about 5 hours) and always got a thank you from the coach drivers for the entertainment.
On the odd occasion I sang a solo in a church production for the youth group I was part of at the time.
However, my OH (and my Father before him) have managed to make me feel like Im not good enough to perform in front of a 'real' audience. Dad was musical, but just didnt have faith in me, OH comes from a non-musical family and just doesnt think I can do it. I had a couple of practise sessions with a band once, but had never heard my voice through a mic before (I need to learn how to breathe) and didnt have transport at the time, so it didnt go anywhere - they needed someone quickly and I needed more time.
A few months ago a local operatic society were looking for new members, I was quite keen to go along and have a look, but OH managed to talk me out of it by saying these groups didnt like outsiders and he didnt want me to get my hopes dashed.
This is also the reason why I have never done any karaoke - no confidence in myself, so none of his family know I sing (Ive known them for the best part of 22 years).
When I lost my voice for 6 months (6 years back) I was really upset that I might loose my ability to sing, and that was really scarey. Thankfully, some speech therapy lessons have taught me vocal warm up techniques and there doesnt seem to be much change (on a bad day I cant hold notes as long as I used to, but I can live with that).
So, now Ive decided (even if just for me and no one else) is to treat myself to some singing lessons. Even if I dont get any further than that (I would love to be brave enough to perform in public one day) I want to do this and think I also need to do it as singing makes my heart, well, sing.
So there you have it, my dirty little secret, arent you glad you dropped by for a read today?
Leave me a comment to let me know what makes your heart sing.
Till next time